<h1 class="post-title entry-title" style="text-align: center;">The Way Things Really Are</h1>
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<p>We are surrounded by forces telling us what to desire and feel. We are taught to chase after things. Hold on to things. Things that can make us happy. Things that can satisfy thirst. But all too often these things result in our suffering. Why is that? The answer to this is actually really simple. It is the pursuit of self ego and our attachment to objects that gives rise to suffering. Let me illustrate with a story.</p>
<h2>The Programming That Shapes Our Desires: Understanding Attachments</h2>
<p>Back in my school days we used to occasionally do presentations in front of our teachers and peers. I remember in elementary school it was generally easy for me to do them. I wasn't nervous. It was just like having a conversation. But in high school the presentations started becoming more nerve wracking. For some reason I had developed a serious case of stage fright presenting in class. It was odd because in elementary school I breezed through them. So what changed? What changed was my view towards presenting, brought on by the increased expectations at school. For instance, it became more important to do well in school. There was more competition. Screwing up was less acceptable. Grades were more important. The stakes were higher, etc. Furthermore, the people at school were saying that it's normal to be nervous during presentations. So here you have a situation where you are taught to respond a certain way and then told that your response is normal. If the issue had never come up and if the burden of expectations were never felt then I would never have been nervous. It would never have occurred to me to feel anxiety, simply because there would have been no attachment. And ironically, I would have done better anyway.</p>
<p>To illustrate with another example, consider how men are taught from a young age that it's important to <a href="https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Denmark-dating-service.html?gender=female&page=2">have women in their lives</a>. And if they don't they will be unhappy, unfulfilled, less of a man, etc. Many men take this to heart and go through tremendous effort to have women in their lives. For years I was one of those guys. I made getting-women a part of my identity. It was absolutely necessary for me to have women to be happy. I saw this pattern in many men and it reinforced my belief at the time. Unfortunately, it was doing me more harm than good but I had no idea why at the time. Fortunately, my eyes were opened when I discovered that there were men who were happy even without women in their lives. They didn't chase women, or avoid them. And things happened naturally for them. I was forced to re-examine the situation and eventually I realized for myself, that you can be happy without women. It became my new reality. Understanding <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/how-to-love-your-parents-without-needing-their-validation/" rel="dofollow">how to love your parents without needing their validation</a> reveals a profound truth: we can reprogram ourselves to detach from unhealthy dependencies that were installed in us by society, family, or culture.</p>
<h2>When Desires Become Suffering: The Cycle Of Endless Chasing</h2>
<p>So imagine how much control you truly have. You only have to realize certain things to make them true. Mind over matter. All this stuff in my head about needing women was programmed in me as being true. So once I re-programmed myself to not need women anymore then that became true in its place—and with a much better result. I became much happier. And naturally it led me to wonder what else you can detach from which some may currently believe to be difficult. Are you trying to quit smoking? Are you of the belief that it's difficult to quit because the experts tell you it is? I can tell you that if men can stop desiring women then you can stop smoking just by choosing to. Can you live without your Blackberry? Can you live without your IPOD? Many people would say No. But wasn't there a time when these things weren't around? And is it reasonable to assume they were unhappier? I think not. Don't be afraid of letting go of desires. If you don't then you may very well find yourself a victim of them.</p>
<p>This is not an abstract or unnatural thing to undertake. In fact, it's completely logical. It just means understanding the nature of desire and how it relates to your sense of self ego. Realize that when you chase after something, chances are you are doing it to reinforce your sense of self. And as it often happens, you get caught up in the chasing part of it. And even if you do get what you wanted, the urge to chase is still there. You may want something else, or something better. And that something may be just as fleeting as this thing you have, having no value except that which you have given it or which others have given it—all subject to change, and non-constant. It's like trying to hold on to the wind. Does it make sense to do that? Why grasp at something which has such fleeting, intangible value? It cannot, and never will live up to your expectations, and that will unavoidably cause you grief. <a href="https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Austria-dating-service.html?page=9">Many men chase after beautiful women</a>—women who spend hours on makeup and clothes—which must be re-applied on a regular basis. So much energy chasing after an illusion. Where is the logic in that? And then there's chasing after sex, knowing that the activity of sex doesn't remove the desire for it. Where is the rationale? Many women also fruitlessly grasp at things. They pursue relationships in order to affirm their ability to keep a man. They sometimes withhold sex to achieve that goal. And they are often not able to enjoy sex because they are too concerned that he may leave after—an example of not living the moment. Actually, both men and women are often not living the moment when it comes to sex and dating. They are too caught up in a consumer mentality and it makes them miserable in the long run.</p>
<h2>Living In The Moment: Escaping The Consumer Mentality</h2>
<p>Enjoying the moment means enjoying the process, which means you don't care about the destination. When you live the moment there is no association between where you are and where you want to be. You are truly relaxed and enjoying yourself. When you're living the moment your actions come from inside you and you are not preoccupied with results. It's good to extend this mentality to your lifestyle, the friends you make, your livelihood, etc. Avoid the common trap of being happy and wanting something that can make you happier. What can happen is that the desire to be happier can consume your thoughts. And in that instant you are less happy than before. Let that realization hit you like a bolt of lightning. Embracing <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/a-fun-way-to-save-your-relationships/" rel="dofollow">a fun way to save your relationships</a> means learning to be fully present with your partner, enjoying the simple pleasures without constantly looking ahead to the next milestone or achievement.</p>
<p>It's wise to develop a strong sense of awareness and be mindful of how you do things and react to things. How are your thoughts and actions affected? How does that relate to your sense of self ego? Make your thoughts and actions congruent. For instance, don't tell yourself to be indifferent towards women and then go to a bar to pick up. Don't tell yourself that you don't care whether you have sex or not and then take her out to an expensive dinner, or read up on seduction. Your thoughts and actions must be congruent or you will have inner conflict.</p>
<h2>Aligning Thoughts And Actions: The Path To Wholeness</h2>
<p>Think of your thoughts and actions in terms of suffering and happiness, not just your suffering, but others as well. Follow the wholesome happy path and avoid the path that leads to suffering. It may take wisdom to differentiate between the two so don't be discouraged if you don't get it right the first time. Discovering the principles behind <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/breaking-the-cycle-how-i-changed-my-habits/" rel="dofollow">breaking the cycle how i changed my habits improved my relationships and found inner peace</a> shows us that mindfulness, self-reflection, and congruence between our beliefs and behaviors are the keys to lasting transformation and genuine happiness.</p>
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